Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Insanity and redemption

Have you ever wondered why people indulge in all sorts of atrocities? We open newspapers and read about murders, rape and all sorts of mayhem on a daily basis. I often question… what drives people to commit these acts?

I certainly don’t believe we are born inherently evil. So could it be as a result of one’s life situation? And, since many successful people have overcome dreadful circumstances in their lives, rise above the ashes to meet success; can we really blame our life situation? A perfect example here would only obviously be our former president Nelson Mandela.

So if we not born inherently evil, are capable of overcoming horrendous circumstances, what’s it gonna take for people to stop committing such atrocities?
Author Eckhart Tolle asserts that “humans are a dangerously insane and very sick species. That’s not a judgment, it’s a fact. It is also a fact that sanity is there underneath the madness”.

I admit to not knowing the answers to some of my questions and life can certainly be challenging. However, reminding ourselves of the countless good out there can go some way in finding sanity amidst the madness. Towards redemption, maybe we could visit www.sagoodnews.co.za a little more often.

Two people walk out of a building and into a story

As usual, Joe and Andy both left the building at 5pm sharp. This particular day, however, both Joe and Andy didn’t say a word on the train ride home. That was a first. With hearts weighing heavy, brains working overtime, they had an all important decision to make before the next morning. This decision would change the story of their lives.

That afternoon Mr Gerhard Taylor, the managing director, called Joe in and informed him that he would be leaving YO-YO Inc. at the end of the following month in order to take up another business opportunity. He explained that he would need someone to fill his shoes and confidently manage YO-YO Inc. along with its 300 employees and demanding Board of Directors. The position would entail much work beyond the normal working hours in addition to frequently travelling to keep a hand on things with the various suppliers both nationally and abroad. The challenging position would be compensated by an annual salary of R500 000, in addition to all the usual company benefits and any additional needs required by the successful candidate. Mr Taylor then looked Joe straight in the eyes and slowly said he believed Joe was the person for this job, having been employed by YO-YO Inc. for the past 7 years, Joe has certainly proved his mettle. All he needed was some motivation from Joe as why he thought he’d be the right person for the job. He requested that Joe give it some thought and come see him at 10am the next morning. Mr Taylor concluded by adding that he had one more candidate in mind for the position.

Unbeknown to Joe, Mr Taylor had the exact same meeting with Andy and required that Andy come see him at 11am the following morning.

Now sitting in the train, both Andy and Joe did their mental calculations. Motivating their abilities would certainly not be the problem. The decision, however, would certainly change the course of their lives and careers, but is it what they wanted?

Joe couldn’t help but think of the enormous responsibility that would come with the position. Was he ready for such a challenge? What about his family time as this would certainly be affected? What if he couldn’t meet the Board’s expectations? What if he messed up, would he then lose his job? Would that be worth the risk of earning a fat salary? It certainly seemed like a great offer, but “am I ready for this challenge and what if the risks ain’t worth it? And, just imagine the stress!” Joe mulled, nearly missing his stop, greeted Andy, hopped of the train and continued the mulling.

On the other hand, Andy was bursting with excitement. He too thought of the enormous responsibility and the risks he would be required to carry on behalf of YO-YO Inc. Travelling often might hinder some family time, but surely he could make up for it with careful time management. Would the Board be happy with his outputs? “Well, I’ll never know unless I try I suppose… if I pass up this opportunity, it may never come my way again”. The more Andy considered the challenging offer, the more he thought “you’re on Mr Taylor!! I have no idea what I’m really in for, but I’m definitely up for the challenge!”

At 4.30pm the following day, YO-YO Inc. employees gathered for an urgent announcement Mr Taylor was to make. He started by thanking everyone for their hard work in making YO-YO Inc. the success it had become. He announced his upcoming departure and expressed that YO-YO Inc. would be left in very capable hands. “These hands certainly have the potential of elevating the YO-YO Inc. story and taking it to higher levels. I am thus proud to announce that Andy will soon be your new MD. Please give him a round of applause”. In concluding, he added a final message to YO-YO Inc. employees “… and always remember the words of Sister Mary Corita Kent ‘Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed”.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

QT vs T

Whilst stuck in a bit of traffic this morning on Kloofnek… I spotted a jogger and couldn’t help but follow his little exercise mission. All dressed for the occasion with shorts and vest, trotting away. What was interesting is that while jogging, he also had his cellphone stuck to his ear and was engaged in, probably, some very important conversation. This went on for some time until I had to turn off. I just couldn’t help but think… What’s the point dude? Can person on other end of the line even hear what you saying?

It got me thinking about that precious thing we call quality time (QT) and how we spend it. To me QT means time spent family, friends, loved ones and also just ourselves doing any activity that piques the interest or whatever we enjoy (some might know this as me-time). However, it is so easily spoilt with ringing phones and text messages that I think takes away the quality and maybe we should then just call it time (T). Inadvertently, these scenarios translate to “You’re not that important…” and “I have something more important than you to attend to”. I confess to being guilty of this little habit too at times, although do make the effort to at least bear it in mind.

I think QT is so important and sometimes it’s those little unplanned events along our QT journeys that reap the greatest rewards. As a little example, I attribute two discoveries to great QT spent with a friend recently. Whilst exploring Kalk Bay, with no particular mission in mind, we discovered a chocolate latte (like none I’ve ever had!!!) at some bakery and a Tibetan Teahouse (who would ever think!!!). What made the experience meaningful I suppose was not being interrupted by ringing phones, something which I only realised much later.

So, next time you find yourself spending some QT, make sure its QT and not just T.

You cannot chase two rabbits at the same time

…or can you? I think the answer lies somewhere in between.

When pondering on chasing two rabbits, our ability to multitask comes to mind- an ability that’s valued by many in our contemporary world. Employers often call for this ability in job specs. With a zillion tasks hanging over heads, multitasking is often the only way to get things done. To the extent that if you aren’t skilled at doing three things at once, you could find yourself feeling a little unproductive.

So we go about: reading emails, driving, surfing the net… whilst on the phone; listening to someone whilst sending a text message; watching TV, eating and having a conversation all at the same time. Is our full attention then given to any one task at a time? And how does this impact the quality of our outputs? Also, how often don’t we feel a little overwhelmed by what is expected of us.

Whilst this ability has the benefit of: getting many tasks done, preventing boredom; and contributing to our feeling of fulfilment, it can also be to our detriment by: half paying attention to tasks at hand; impacting the quality of our work; and failure to complete tasks whilst attempting to juggle.

I think that multitasking has the power to be of great benefit and can also serve as a disadvantage. The art is in how we use it. It’s about knowing when and what you need to give your full attention to and those things that can easily be juggled without compromising on the quality of our outputs.

Here I suggest that tasks need to be prioritised in terms of their importance and duration required to complete them. Weigh up the value of the task and assess what needs full attention against those tasks that can easily be juggled. For example, completing an assignment/report may certainly require my full attention whilst I can easily note a little to-do list or send a message whilst waiting in queue at SARS or at the dentist.

So, by all means, run like Forest although choose your rabbits carefully.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Is polygamy a feminist issue?

Since the Stone Age has long gone, we certainly need a fresh look at the impact polygamy has on societies today. As to whether it poses a problem for the strides made by feminists worldwide, I would certainly agree that it’s an issue requiring careful consideration.

Traditionally, polygamy (or polygyny to be more specific) was practiced commonly amongst African and Eastern cultures either as a means of increasing population, caring for women after wars and/or as a reflection of wealth and status. In some cases, I’d imagine with noble intentions, it probably worked well for many families as resources may be abundant and all concerned needs adequately met. As tradition demanded (in most cases), polygamy carried strict terms and conditions such as consent from the primary wife and the husband’s ability to equally provide for all wives and families. So what exactly is the status of polygamous marriages today?

I present a little true life case study if you will. Fatima (not her real name) is a stay-at-home mom with three young boys aged 9, 7 and 2. After ten years of marriage, hubby politely announces that he’ll be taking a second wife. Second wife so happens to the fling he fell in love with whilst working out of town. Hardly able to adequately provide for his three boys and first wife, he returns after yet another weekend away only to announce that he is now married to wife no. 2. Approximately 5 months later, Fatima is still torn between what to do… does she divorce him or stay and pray hard that he comes to his senses. By the way, wife no. 2 has a little daughter of her own aged about 5 I think.

So the result of this whole little scenario? Fatima appears to be extremely stressed and confused, crying uncontrollably one day and next day smiling as if its all just a bad dream. The boys, more importantly, have picked up on Fatima’s mixed emotions and thus too seem to be rather confused. All three boys have seen their school (and nursery) performance drop to an all time low with teachers calling concerned about the change in the boys’ behaviour. Eldest son (aged 9) consistently stares out the window and does all he can to not be home.

Hubby believes all is well, his boys are fine and everyone just needs to adapt a bit to the new situation. I’m rather interested in the effect on all concerned say 5-10 years down the line??

This is one little example of the impact of polygamous marriages today. I have not even begun to consider the countless women who are forced into these marriages at a young age, against their will. This I feel is where the real problem lies. If you’re a second or fifth wife and you’re happy in your marriage, by all means go ahead. If its working for you, you’re happy and fulfilled, that is absolutely great!

So what’s the issue? I’m in agreement with feminist Canadian blogger, Jael, where she states “The issue is with girls and women being raised in a tightly-controlled patriarchal environment, and offered no choice in the matter. The issue is with marrying girls off at such a young age that it's perilously close to child abuse. The issue is with the control, the power. It's not the marriages per se”. (http://whileaway-north.blogspot.com/2007/07/)

It appears to me polygamy, as practiced today, has simply become a convenient tool for some men to make a socially unacceptable scenario… acceptable. It’s great for covering up affairs and even better for those who haven’t matured enough to control their desires and thus are happy for their desires to control them. This is sad.

Even worse are the numerous women and confused children entangled in these scenarios unintentionally. So yes, polygamy certainly has become a feminist issue.
It seems polygamy today is not serving the noble (?) intentions it traditionally started with. More importantly to note, what can we expect from our future generations?

In my concocted Utopia, there’s a Polygamous Marriage Act (or something of the sort) that regulates and controls such unions. It ensures a woman’s freedom to enter such union at her exclusive will. It furthermore ensures all children of these unions have the benefit of both paternal and maternal guidance and are adequately cared for.

Confucius says “To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life”. We need families (however constructed) that are loving and functional, contributing to healthy communities and nations.